Criminal case against me has been dropped

The last film that I made shows a clip of me getting arrested after loosing my cool and dousing one of my harassers with the remainder of a bottle of green juice that I was drinking.  That incident resulted in criminal charges being filed against me.  Initially, my Lawyer told me that I’d have to pay a fine, which I considered to be a slap in the face in addition to what I had already been through, but I was offered community service.  I almost settled for that, just so that I could get everything over with, but he told me that he was pretty sure he could do better.  The next time I appeared in court, I was informed that my case was dropped.  I don’t know if this had anything to do with the fact that I provided three disks full of photos of graffiti, emails concerning the harassment, and films which I made, including the one resulting in my arrest.  I still feel secretly that some people belive that I’m paranoid or seriously mentally ill, and perhaps the case got dropped due to this, but in any case, I am pleased and relieved, and I feel like I got a little bit of justice : )

I need to remind myself to send a thank you card or maybe a bottle of wine to my lawyer.

Finally got a car!!!

I moved to my current home for several reasons, mainly to get away from the noisy bar and crowds of people who would congregate downstairs, just generally being rude and rowdy, as well as to make it harder for people to stalk me.  At my other apartment, I lived on a very crowded street, which made it easy for people to loiter, linger, and hang out in cars watching when I was coming and going.  In my new neighborhood, it is extremely quiet, and very rare to see anyone walking on the street, however, it did not stop different skeezy looking teenagers in broken down cars from idling their engines outside my home, some of which would follow me, very very slowly, as I walked towards the bus station.  There always seemed to be someone out on the street, even at 3am once when I realized I forgot to take the garbage out, and they didn’t seem to be on their way anywhere, but just seemed to be “hanging out” watching, which seemed bizzarre, as my new neighborhood is entirely suburban, very quiet, and the streets are very empty at night.  I finally managed to get a car, an older model Volkswagen, which is entirely paid off, making the insurance less expensive.  It runs well and it’s been so much less stressful driving places instead of dealing with the usual BS on public transportation.  A friendly acquaintance who called me mentioned that I sounded a lot happier and that there was lightness in my voice.  It’s been sort of like a vacation from the maniacal hordes of people.  My therapist kept encouraging me to get a car, noticing that I had been very proactive about taking measures to try to stop the harassment, and this was one of the last things that I felt was in my personal power to do to make my life better.  As of now, I have been driving as much as possible, and have been taking very short bus trips when necessary, such as when In Manhattan when I need to park 20 – 30 blocks away from my destination.  I stopped going in to my office for a week or so, and did a bunch of work from home.  I’m relieved that although I know this hasn’t stopped the harassment, at least I have sheltered myself from it for the most part.  I’ve also felt that there’s been a significant drop in the number of people loitering around my house, to the point where just recently there have been none at all.  I did take my kids to the playground today though, and several people hissed at me, and there were multiple individuals who seemed to be concertedly keeping watch of me.  It’s always impossible to know who followed me there, and who might just recognize me from somewhere, or possibly have heard of me.  Keeping my fingers crossed that this trend will continue.  Updates will be posted when current events come up related to hate and cause based harassment.

Belle Knox – Similar Harassment

Duke University student and adult film star Belle Knox has been harassed by fellow students, mostly women, and claims that “every day is a nightmare.”

There has been a lot of discussion within the feminist community about how violent or objectifying porn could possibly be “empowering.”  Having participated in such porn, and having worked with the likes of Max Hardcore and shooting for Xtreme Video, which was known for extremely rough sex, I can say that one has to look beyond the actual rough sex to discover what is empowering about this porn.  To me, aside from the financial gain which allows women to accomplish their goals, such as attending an Ivy league college, it is also the idea that creative and sexual expression are inalienable human rights.  It is still very much the case that when men philander, society will look the other way, but woman who decide to express themselves sexually and who have too many partners are considered dirty and uncouth and immoral.  The female attackers are quick to attack the object of desire, while overlooking the largely male audience that funds and watches the films that she appears in.  There is a type of liberation in engaging in behavior that you find pleasurable and natural, and continuing to behave in a way that you feel is normal (even if it’s not specifically your thing but you don’t mind participating in it because someone else will get off on it) despite the fact that a distinct proportion of people believe that you are committing a mortal sin.  The empowerment for women in the sex industry results not solely from financial gain, but also because of gaining an opportunity to participate in a sexual expression that will be appreciated by hundreds of thousands, and sometimes millions of people, and in being the pioneering woman who breaks the “glass ceiling” for sexual expression.

Rough porn is a fact of life in the industry right now.  I myself have participated in more than one rough scene in which the male performer felt really bad or worried about my welfare during the scene.  Rough porn, especially at the time when I was doing it in the early 2000s, was just what was making the big money.  I feel that in a certain sense, what a porn star does is very much like what a professional sports star or actor gets paid to do, which is take risks with their body for sport, art, and money.  No one would accuse a professional football player or boxer of not respecting themselves, because they understand that that person is taking risks for professional and financial gain.  Few would every think to accuse an actress who has done multiple loves scenes involving rough sex of being a slut, a whore or a prostitute.  Instead, their work is seen as an artistic portrayal.  The idea that rough porn (as well as non pornographic film depicting violence against women) encourages this violence and objectification is another matter, and something that I have struggled with in the past.

That being said, I think that the very nature of porn functions to objectify both men and women, and that that is part of the appeal for the viewer.  It’s the same reason that the top selling barbie dolls still have those unrealistic proportions, because no matter how loudly activists protest, even five year olds subconsciously find the well known silhouette more desirable.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that SOMETIMES, HAVING A FANTASY IS OKAY, ESPECIALLY IF IT’S IN A WELL DEFINED CONTEXT WHICH DOES NOT VIOLATE ANYONE ELSE’S RIGHTS.  The fact that women in porn tend to be augmented, spray tanned, and hair extensioned is the same reason why the men in porn are muscled, spray tanned, and generally 8 inches or larger. There are lots of porn films, especially in the bdsm genre, in which men are abused and objectified, and so in that sense it’s sort of an equalizing force.  IN addition, in recent years there has been an explosion of “amateur” porn depicting average individuals with average body types, in addition to all manners of “niche” porn depicting heavier women, unusual fetishes, and all sorts of body types and situations, including gay and queer scenarios.

Are all women in the sex industry empowered?  Are there women who become victims of the sex industry’s voracious appetite for new flesh, and who are not mentally or physically prepared for the psychological/physical stresses that they will be subjected to during the course of their work?  The answer is most definitely yes.  However, it is definitely the case that intelligent women make an informed choices to work in the adult industry, knowing full well what the costs and benefits are, and that intelligent, law abiding, and church going individuals participate vicariously through their enjoyment of those films.  As with mainstream actresses, the types of scenes an adult film actress appears in are a poor way of determining how an adult film performer actually feels about her self worth, because she is often getting paid a hefty sum of money to do the scene.  A better way of determining how the actress feels about herself is to take note of how she lives her life, how she allows people to treat her when she is not getting paid, and how she takes care of herself and her body outside of her time on film.

**As an aside note:  I was introduced through a mutual friend to a retired dominatrix and mother of two, also living in the Park Slope area, who had been stalked.  She found out that her personal information, including name, photograph, and address, had been posted on a site which was directly intended for the users of that site to harass sex workers, in a manner similar to the way Belle Knox’s family information was given out.  I have been unable to locate such sites (the site that she was on was taken down) but I suspect that my name and personal inforation has also been posted on one of these sites.


Harassed at my daughter’s school

In an interesting twist of irony, I was harassed multiple times at my daughter’s school, both by her elementary school teacher, as well as by a few people in charge of an after school program.  Upon walking into my daughter’s classroom, I introduced myself to a woman sitting at the desk (an administrator of some kind) and then took a seat, not wanting to disturb the teacher, Ms. Ambrose, while she finished the lesson.  I was horrified to find that both Kate Ambrose and her teacher’s aide proceeded to hiss at me multiple times.  I asked them directly why they were hissing, and they did not respond, however, they continued to hiss multiple times as I sat with my daughter at her desk as the entire class sat there finishing up some work.  I had to throw my hands up in disgust when recently I found one of my daughter’s homework sheets which was addressing bullying behavior in schools.  Kate Ambrose is a disgusting hypocrite.

I filed a discrimination complaint with the board of equal opportunity at the school based on the fact that I was pretty sure that this has something to do with the adult films, the fact that I have been very openly queer/bi, and have done films with transexuals.  My appeal was denied, however, I think she was frightened to continue hissing at me, as the last parent teacher conference she had she did not hiss at me.



k8ambro  @gmail  .com

Harassment seems to have abated quite a bit

After about a month now of taking the express bus, car services in the morning, and using the phone wallet that blocks signals, the harassment  has been MARKEDLY decreased.  My suspicion is that without being able to track my signal, the harassers are forced to follow me the traditional way, which has been much more difficult.  I have been pleasantly surprised with this, and I’m hopeful!

On a related note, I found out that there are other types of signal blocking options, and you can even make your own faraday cage with a site that sells signal blocking fabrics.

Here’s a stylish signal blocking handkerchief

Here’s how to make your own faraday cage out of an inexpensive mylar bag.

I’ve been using this blocking method as much as possible, and have recently ordered a bunch of small size mylar bags from Amazon, as well as some blankets (what the hell right?)  My phone wallet was working amazingly but may have developed a small hole in the fabric, because I started hearing my phone come in and out of service while it was in the wallet, so I started additionally putting the mylar bag around the phone wallet and folding it over.  It’s a bit cumbersome but totally worth it and still has a slim silhouette to fit in my tiny bag.